Why I write

Writing. Why do I write? I honestly have no idea. I write because I want to. Because I have to (I mean seriously, I'm in high school). I write because I'm feeling overwhelmed and don't trust anyone but the paper to listen to me.
Journaling is something that I've been trying to pick up for a long time. It never goes as planned. I decide to do it, get a cute little journal and for the first few days I'm so excited to put my thoughts into it. To unload my feelings that I don't want anyone to know about. Then I get to the point where I'm thinking "Well i really don't WANT to write right now." "My day was boring, why write it down?" and then it gets to the point where I forget I have a journal. If I don't get this point within 3 weeks, I start to get paranoid and wonder if my family members are reading my journal. Because of this I start to sensor my thoughts and hide the journal where sometimes even I can't find it. Lets just say that journals don't work out for me.
I think that if I had to choose between Didion and Orwell and say which one I connected to the most, I would have to say Didion, because I admit, when I write, it doesnt' always make sense. She said in her essay that "I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear." I think this is very true for me as well. Sometimes when I'm confused about my thoughts or what's going on in my life, writing it down can help me think it through and organize my thoughts. Help me put my thoughts into a logical sequence so they finally make sense to me.
The main reason that I don't feel like I identify with George Orwell is becaue of his motives for writing. I don't really think that I posses all of these these motives. Of course I posses egosim to an extent. Of course I want to be talked about and remembered. Yes i have Aesthetic enthusiasm. I love sharing my experiences and learnings with other people. But when it comes to Historical impulse...I'd rather focus on the future and not dwell on the past. Lastly, Political purpose. I am not even remotely politically aware, therefore I feel like a political purpose is not something that I have.
Even after writing this and getting all of these thoughts out, I still don't have specific reasons for why I write. Sometimes it just isn't clear. There's just a need to put things on paper.